I'm not wearing a dress to look pretty I'm wearing a dress because it's hot as balls and I don't feel like wearing pants

I'm not wearing a dress to look pretty I'm wearing a dress because it's hot as balls and I don't feel like wearing pants
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When something goes wrong in your life just yell plot twist and move on

When something goes wrong in your life just yell plot twist and move on
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I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can't have any more food and I'm just never ready for that kind of commitment

I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can't have any more food and I'm just never ready for that kind of commitment
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I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said I want you to try and sell this to me

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said I want you to try and sell this to me
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If you didn't get luck be in the air tonight the internet has probably ruined you

If you didn't get luck be in the air tonight the internet has probably ruined you
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Scooby-Doo teaches kids that everything supernatural or otherworldly is just some a-hole trying to scare you so they can make some money

Scooby-Doo teaches kids that everything supernatural or otherworldly is just some a-hole trying to scare you so they can make some money
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Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left

Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left
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I would challenge you to a battle of wits but I see that you are unarmed

I would challenge you to a battle of wits but I see that you are unarmed
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I am just one step away from being rich all I need now is money

I am just one step away from being rich all I need now is money
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If you text 'I love you' and the person writes back an emoji no matter what that emoji is they don't love you back

If you text 'I love you' and the person writes back an emoji no matter what that emoji is they don't love you back
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