My life is 50% wondering if it's too late to drink coffee and 50% wondering if it's too early to drink alcohol

My life is 50% wondering if it's too late to drink coffee and 50% wondering if it's too early to drink alcohol
More From: Relatable

Don't take life so seriously it's not like you're going to get out alive

Don't take life so seriously it's not like you're going to get out alive
More From: Life

There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate

There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate
More From: Friendship

It just does mom I can't explain why it feels so good to be a gangster

It just does mom I can't explain why it feels so good to be a gangster
More From: Funny

A real friend stabs you in the front

A real friend stabs you in the front
More From: Friendship

If you don't like me I don't like you plain and simple

If you don't like me I don't like you plain and simple
More From: Relatable

I'm not wearing a dress to look pretty I'm wearing a dress because it's hot as balls and I don't feel like wearing pants

I'm not wearing a dress to look pretty I'm wearing a dress because it's hot as balls and I don't feel like wearing pants
More From: Funny

When something goes wrong in your life just yell plot twist and move on

When something goes wrong in your life just yell plot twist and move on
More From: Funny

I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can't have any more food and I'm just never ready for that kind of commitment

I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you can't have any more food and I'm just never ready for that kind of commitment
More From: Funny

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said I want you to try and sell this to me

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said I want you to try and sell this to me
More From: Funny

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